Simpleng alaala

Nagsimula ang lahat sa LRT Anonas station. Nandoon ako, naghihintay ng tren na patungong Cubao. Habang naghihintay, may tumabing babae sa aking kanan. Nagkatinginan ang aming mga mata, pero deadmahan lang din. Simple lang siya, cute, at mahaba ang buhok. Maya't maya kinalabit ako at sinabing "Panalo a." At sinabi ko naman, "Ang alin?" Sabi niya, "Ang Beda!" At doon ko lang naalala na may laban pala ang San Beda at UST nung araw na yon. Pangkatuwaan lamang ang laro. Siguro't kaya niya nasabi sa akin yon dahil sa napagkamalan niyang estudyante ako ng UST dahil sa suot kong baller. Sinabi ko sa kanya na, "Hindi ko napanood yung laban e, tulog kasi ako buong araw. Congrats pala! Haha." At muling bumalik ang katahimikan. Hindi rin nagtagal, dumating si Tius ang aking matagal nang kaibigan. Nagkausap rin sila nung babae, pero sandali lamang. Naghintay ulet kami, kinausap niya ulet ako, nagkwento ulet siya, ngunit hindi ko maalala ang pinaguusapan namin non. Hindi rin nagtagal, may inannounce mula sa LRT Office na nagkaroon ng kaunting aberya sa mga tren, dahil lalabas na ang bago nilang modelo. At muli, napakwento nanaman siya. At biglang niyang hinawakan ang kanang kamay ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya ginawa yon. Medyo, nakakailang, pero alam ko na wala lang yun, patay malisya. Nang dumating na yung bagong modelo ng tren, magkahawak pa rin ang aming mga kamay. Nung sumakay na kami, kakaiba sa pakiramdam yung bagong tren, medyo sumikip kumpara sa dati. Nagkkwentuhan pa rin kami nung babae. Himala nga dahil ang byahe patungong Cubao mula Anonas ay parang Anonas to Recto na. Ewan ko ba, dahil siguro sa mga pinaguusapan namin. Nasa Cubao station na kami, palabas na, ang akala ko sa Cubao rin siya baba, kaso hindi. Nakalabas na kami ni Tius, at habang nagsasara ang mga pintuan, pasigaw kong sinabi na, "Add mo ako sa twitter, dannyboybaboy, with double n!" Sayang, dahil hindi ko man lang nalaman ang kanyang pangalan, at hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit twitter user ko ang sinabi ko. Nakakalungkot, dahil feeling ko yun na yun e. Parang may spark kumbaga. Pero sa huli, ang mas nakakalungkot ay ang.. panaganip lang ang lahat ng ito.

Nagising na ako, at agad agad kong sinulat itong binabasa mong kwento ko. Alam kong panaginip lang lahat, pero naniniwala ako na, kung sino man yung tao na yun, alam ko na ganito rin yung panaginip niya, Haaay, sana magkita kami sa personal. HAHA! O sya, paalam!

Dark Days

Personal posts down below. Watch out! Haha!

Waiting Outside The Lines

I can't think of any appropriate title. Sorry. But I think this will do.
Anyway.
Nobody cares. Literally, as in literally. To tell you the truth, I hate to be alone.
Where I go into a state where I overthink so many thoughts that shouldn't show up. I can't help it.
I've always been alone.  That's what I always feel. Even if I'm with my friends or in our house. I do feel alone.
I'm getting used to it you know. Just like Gotye's song called Somebody That I Used To Know, there is this phrase that says, "you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness". I consider being alone a type of sadness.
Well, I get sad when I feel alone. The fact that no one actually cares. I think there is some who cares, but I feel numb to it.
Maybe I'm numb?
I don't know. I'm lost too. And I still can't help myself. It sucks you know. It really sucks.

I will try to get used to this kind of sadness, being alone.
Maybe get addicted to it someday.

Read your minds

In our workshop, we have an awesome teacher. Well, maybe extraordinary, something like that. He can read our minds, read what we feel, everything, but not our future. I'll put a lists on what he said about me, all that he knows. But I know deep inside, I know he knows what I do really feel.


"Ma-pride kang tao, pero na-cocontrol mo."         Yeah. Haha. I know how to control my pride. But sometimes, I just simply can't control especially when playing games or like, 'pagalingan'.

"Ayaw mo na pinapakialaman ang mga gamit mo."         Yep. That's true.

"Hindi kayo nagkakasundo ng mga kapatid mo."         Always. They always quarrel everytime especially my two younger brothers who always fight almost every minute.

"Hindi naman ganon ka-complicated ang sitwasyon ng pamilya niyo. Pero dumating na sa punto na mas gusto mong tumira nalang sa ibang pamilya."         Okay, whenever I'm at my bestfriend's house. I'm always there recently. I love their family. They're all so happy together. I'm kinda jealous you know. I want to treat them like they're my parents, and my sister. I'm just too shy to show it. I feel like I do have a sister that time and a real parents, not seperated. But I can't, I do have my own family. And I can't change that.

"Mga type mong babae, hindi ganun kagandahan. Pero maganda naman ang kalooban."         Exactly. He got me. That's what I always look up to.

"Natatakot kang manligaw."        Haha. Yeah. That's true. I have a reason for that. You'll see.

"Hinahanap mo sa babae yung walang flaws, yung perfect. Kung hindi perfect, gusto mo gawing perfect."          You know what, I guess this is the reason why. I just don't know it at all. 'Yung biglang nawawala nalang ako, tapos di alam kung anong dahilan kung bakit'. This is somehow connected to why I don't try to court someone so easily.

"Minahal mo siya, pero nasaktan ka sa huli. Iba ang tingin niya saiyo at iba rin ang tingin mo sa kanya."         Haha. That's true. Very true. I won't tell much about this. Let's keep it private. Lol.

"Eto si Dan, grabe to magmahal, wagas. Parang si Tius rin, takot nga lang manligaw."         Idk if this is true or what. Lol. But yeah, when I'm inlove I care for that person so much. Okay, next next. Haha.

"Moody ka e, control lang dun."        I think I am. I just don't realize it. Sometimes I suddenly get silent out of nowhere. Thinking out of something out of this world. I'm random. Yeah. Moody.

That's all I can remember. I forgot the other ones he said. I don't mind if someone can read me. The truth is, I like it. I don't know much about myself. I'm lost. 'hindi ko pa kilala ang sarili ko hanggang ngayon'.

End of story.

I'm lost

I can't help it. I have no one to share my problems. I have this habit that I don't share what I feel to anyone, not even to my family members. I always keep it inside of me. I'm full of unexplainable thoughts right now. I'm lost. I'm blogging this one out because, idk. I feel like this is the nicest way to share what I feel right now. I don't care if someone will read this. Sorry.

I pretend to put a smile on my face everyday, but behind this mask is full of fuck. I lie to everyone saying I feel good and no problem at all. I just don't want anyone to worry about me.

Let's see. Well. I give up. I don't know what to do anymore. Fuck man.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. FULL OF FUCKING FLYING FUCK, JUST TOTAL FUCK.
(sorry for the inappropriate word)

I just want to disappear, as soon as possible. I know it's kind of a fucked up logic right? But that's what I keep on thinking since then. One day, I had this idea of how about killing myself? Fucked up logic again right? I know. But I can't help it. Well, at least It didn't happened. And I will never think of doing it again. I hope so. Lol. I want to get hit by a car or something. Or just die in an accident. Hmm. Heart attack? Idk. I just really want to disappear. Maybe coma? So that I'll be sleeping till I die. Fuck. I want to fucking disappear in this i-dont-know-what-to-say.

Why can't I help myself? Why? Just why? I like helping people a lot with their problems, or with some other stuffs. That makes me happy. I just don't understand that why can't I help myself?

Family? Well. It's fucked up. Literally. As in literally. I don't have a father. Well, not actually. We're a broken family. Our mother is the only one who supports us. I love my mother, so much. My brothers? Nah, they always quarrel about everything, every minute. Why can't we just have a day, that we're all happy? No problems at all. Nah, that would be impossible.

Friends? Nothing much. I don't have any problem with my friends. I trust some. But I don't trust almost all of them. Not the kind of trust that you know. More of a trust about something. Something deeper. Sorry. I can't explain it.

Love? Idk. It's fucked up too. I guess. Nothing to talk about. Just fucked up. But I don't mind. this is only temporary.

World? I hate this world. I hate everything. Fucking everything.

What more to say? I just hope one day I'll disappear.


I'm weak. Very weak.


No one cares. No one will ever care.



I'll just go to sleep.


Bye.

Hello

I might make this my personal blog soon. ;)

Settle down

I'll just save this links here at the moment. I freakin' love these 3 mixes.

http://soundcloud.com/vongsykeo/kimbra-settle-down-lamulny (Lamulny Fields)

http://soundcloud.com/tyrdubstep/kimbra-settle-down-tyr-rodway ( TYR & Rodway)

http://soundcloud.com/paulmaxwell/kimbra-remix-contest (Paul Maxwell)

Care to hear it? You'll love it too!