I'm lost

I can't help it. I have no one to share my problems. I have this habit that I don't share what I feel to anyone, not even to my family members. I always keep it inside of me. I'm full of unexplainable thoughts right now. I'm lost. I'm blogging this one out because, idk. I feel like this is the nicest way to share what I feel right now. I don't care if someone will read this. Sorry.

I pretend to put a smile on my face everyday, but behind this mask is full of fuck. I lie to everyone saying I feel good and no problem at all. I just don't want anyone to worry about me.

Let's see. Well. I give up. I don't know what to do anymore. Fuck man.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. FULL OF FUCKING FLYING FUCK, JUST TOTAL FUCK.
(sorry for the inappropriate word)

I just want to disappear, as soon as possible. I know it's kind of a fucked up logic right? But that's what I keep on thinking since then. One day, I had this idea of how about killing myself? Fucked up logic again right? I know. But I can't help it. Well, at least It didn't happened. And I will never think of doing it again. I hope so. Lol. I want to get hit by a car or something. Or just die in an accident. Hmm. Heart attack? Idk. I just really want to disappear. Maybe coma? So that I'll be sleeping till I die. Fuck. I want to fucking disappear in this i-dont-know-what-to-say.

Why can't I help myself? Why? Just why? I like helping people a lot with their problems, or with some other stuffs. That makes me happy. I just don't understand that why can't I help myself?

Family? Well. It's fucked up. Literally. As in literally. I don't have a father. Well, not actually. We're a broken family. Our mother is the only one who supports us. I love my mother, so much. My brothers? Nah, they always quarrel about everything, every minute. Why can't we just have a day, that we're all happy? No problems at all. Nah, that would be impossible.

Friends? Nothing much. I don't have any problem with my friends. I trust some. But I don't trust almost all of them. Not the kind of trust that you know. More of a trust about something. Something deeper. Sorry. I can't explain it.

Love? Idk. It's fucked up too. I guess. Nothing to talk about. Just fucked up. But I don't mind. this is only temporary.

World? I hate this world. I hate everything. Fucking everything.

What more to say? I just hope one day I'll disappear.


I'm weak. Very weak.


No one cares. No one will ever care.



I'll just go to sleep.


Bye.